Willa Kopp-Devol
Scars and Snow
A sheltered girl struggles with a sudden change and learns that life is precious.
My heart pounded as I realized the problem was much larger than I had originally thought.
When I woke up in the morning and my mom told me that my mama had hurt her back, I assumed that it was just a one-day thing and that she would get over it throughout the day. But it turns out that it wasn’t, and when I got home from school my mom told me that she was at the doctors, and she was actually in a lot more pain.
When she got home that night, she told us that the doctors had found nothing wrong with her, and that was kind of worrying because she was in a lot of pain for it to be nothing. Throughout the next two or three weeks, she went to several doctors and chiropractors and got massages, but nothing really seemed to work, and she was still getting gradually worse.
She got worse until she was bedridden, and she could not even get up to walk around the house. The only time she got up was when she was going to the bathroom and she was in an extreme amount of pain for that.
The roles changed so quickly and it was so weird because usually, she would be the one to care of me, but now I was the one helping her to the bathroom and getting her water when she needed it.
My mom and I started eating dinner in her bedroom, so she wouldn't have to get up and walk to the kitchen with us. It was very weird because the lighting in the bedroom was strange and it created this weird tone throughout the months that she was sick.
Eventually, she went to the hospital to get a surgery done on her back. They were going to make an incision three inches long and cut into her spine so she would be able to walk. I was kind of nervous, because she was having to go under, and I was worried that she might not wake up or that something would go wrong. She did wake up and everything was fine.
When I visited her in the hospital the next day, it was a very strange experience because I'd only seen her cry in front of me two or three times throughout my entire life. Now, to see her crying constantly was a huge change. She was very weak and she had lost a lot of weight throughout this.
A nurse came by and picked her up for her daily exercise. She walked around the wing of the hospital and I went with her. She was on this walker, and I just remember looking around and all the walls were white, and everything was white, and it was kind of blinding. I was very shaky because everything felt kind of off. We walked back and we said goodbye. I only visited her that one time and she was in the hospital, and I felt bad for that, but I just didn't really like seeing her in that state.
Finally, she was out of the hospital, but she was admitted into a nursing home where she would have constant care and food every day.
I went to see her on my birthday, and I remember on the drive there, I was anxious to see her because she wasn't really who she used to be. My mom and I had forgotten what it was like to have like a normal family and to just eat dinner every night because it was just the two of us and my mama was in this nursing home.
I felt very selfish that day because I wanted it to be my special day. It was my birthday, but the attention was on her because of course, she was in a lot of pain. Also, because she was in a lot of pain, she had to take a lot of medication, and she was hallucinating. My mom and I walked in the room and she told us all the things that she had seen throughout the last night and last couple of days, and the things that she was seeing right then. She saw a bunch of bugs crawling around on the floor, and I remember being worried about her because although she knew that they weren’t actually there, she was still seeing them and it wasn't really her.
On that drive back home we left my mama in the nursing home for the night, and for the next couple of nights. It was really dark outside and I was watching the streetlights go by. It had just snowed, and I was trying not to let my mom see that I was crying. She did though, and when she asked me was wrong, I just broke down in tears. I felt really bad about it because I wasn't the one who was supposed to be in pain, but I was.
Also, it was just very hard to see my mama in such a weak state. When me and my mom got home we sat on the couch in talked for hours about how we were feeling and we really bonded over that, because we were both going to the same thing. We both knew how hard it was just to keep going on with life even when our loved one was in the hospital or nursing home trying to get better and we were just having to go on.
So now it's about a year later, and my mama is still in recovery from her back surgery. But she's doing a lot better, and throughout all this time she has gained a greater appreciation for life and I have a huge new appreciation for both of my moms for going through that.
When I woke up in the morning and my mom told me that my mama had hurt her back, I assumed that it was just a one-day thing and that she would get over it throughout the day. But it turns out that it wasn’t, and when I got home from school my mom told me that she was at the doctors, and she was actually in a lot more pain.
When she got home that night, she told us that the doctors had found nothing wrong with her, and that was kind of worrying because she was in a lot of pain for it to be nothing. Throughout the next two or three weeks, she went to several doctors and chiropractors and got massages, but nothing really seemed to work, and she was still getting gradually worse.
She got worse until she was bedridden, and she could not even get up to walk around the house. The only time she got up was when she was going to the bathroom and she was in an extreme amount of pain for that.
The roles changed so quickly and it was so weird because usually, she would be the one to care of me, but now I was the one helping her to the bathroom and getting her water when she needed it.
My mom and I started eating dinner in her bedroom, so she wouldn't have to get up and walk to the kitchen with us. It was very weird because the lighting in the bedroom was strange and it created this weird tone throughout the months that she was sick.
Eventually, she went to the hospital to get a surgery done on her back. They were going to make an incision three inches long and cut into her spine so she would be able to walk. I was kind of nervous, because she was having to go under, and I was worried that she might not wake up or that something would go wrong. She did wake up and everything was fine.
When I visited her in the hospital the next day, it was a very strange experience because I'd only seen her cry in front of me two or three times throughout my entire life. Now, to see her crying constantly was a huge change. She was very weak and she had lost a lot of weight throughout this.
A nurse came by and picked her up for her daily exercise. She walked around the wing of the hospital and I went with her. She was on this walker, and I just remember looking around and all the walls were white, and everything was white, and it was kind of blinding. I was very shaky because everything felt kind of off. We walked back and we said goodbye. I only visited her that one time and she was in the hospital, and I felt bad for that, but I just didn't really like seeing her in that state.
Finally, she was out of the hospital, but she was admitted into a nursing home where she would have constant care and food every day.
I went to see her on my birthday, and I remember on the drive there, I was anxious to see her because she wasn't really who she used to be. My mom and I had forgotten what it was like to have like a normal family and to just eat dinner every night because it was just the two of us and my mama was in this nursing home.
I felt very selfish that day because I wanted it to be my special day. It was my birthday, but the attention was on her because of course, she was in a lot of pain. Also, because she was in a lot of pain, she had to take a lot of medication, and she was hallucinating. My mom and I walked in the room and she told us all the things that she had seen throughout the last night and last couple of days, and the things that she was seeing right then. She saw a bunch of bugs crawling around on the floor, and I remember being worried about her because although she knew that they weren’t actually there, she was still seeing them and it wasn't really her.
On that drive back home we left my mama in the nursing home for the night, and for the next couple of nights. It was really dark outside and I was watching the streetlights go by. It had just snowed, and I was trying not to let my mom see that I was crying. She did though, and when she asked me was wrong, I just broke down in tears. I felt really bad about it because I wasn't the one who was supposed to be in pain, but I was.
Also, it was just very hard to see my mama in such a weak state. When me and my mom got home we sat on the couch in talked for hours about how we were feeling and we really bonded over that, because we were both going to the same thing. We both knew how hard it was just to keep going on with life even when our loved one was in the hospital or nursing home trying to get better and we were just having to go on.
So now it's about a year later, and my mama is still in recovery from her back surgery. But she's doing a lot better, and throughout all this time she has gained a greater appreciation for life and I have a huge new appreciation for both of my moms for going through that.